Wow. I forgot I had been working on this. I suppose I should thank a certain all caps using child for drawing my attention momentarily back to my blog. I've been too busy dealing with health issues and PITA crashing computers and lack of artistic inspiration to muck about in the past much lately.
Looking through the posters and stories over on Project Unbreakable really drove home the fact that far too many people are told "No one will believe you." And far too many say it was true, too. Why? First, I don't understand why there are stupid people who are so desperate for any attention or want to hurt someone so badly that they would falsely accuse someone of rape. Let's face it, sexual assault (especially against a child) is THE worst thing you can accuse someone of. Even murderers will go out of their way to torture a pedophile or spouse abuser in prison. Murder at least CAN sometimes be "justified", after all. You have to be severely fucked in the head to cry rape to "get back at" someone. You have to be a total vindictive asshole to want to ruin someone's life so completely because you feel slighted in some way. Mature people learn to walk away and get over things rather than deciding to become a wrecking ball aimed at someone's life by falsely accusing them of things.
Second, I don't understand why "They're lying" or "Maybe if you didn't (insert action), it wouldn't have happened." would be anyone's first reaction. So many of the victims over there said that their FRIENDS didn't believe them or said "I thought you wanted it." Far too many of them were raped by people who claimed to be their "best friend", usually but not always a male. What the hell, people? So you think your friends and family members WANT the kind of shame/blame shit sexual assault victims are going through?? Why would a doctor administering a rape kit say something so stupid as "Are you SURE you were raped? You don't seem to have much bruising."?? Does it not occur to people that someone who has been told they'll be killed might be AFRAID and unable to move or resist? Yeah, a rape victim so enjoys the "attention" of having a speculum rammed up inside an already sore vagina, snapped wide open (usually PINCHING because you bloody men have no fucking clue how sensitive that area is *scowl*) and having swabs rammed up there in the hopes the rapist actually left some evidence. Oh, and then there's the humiliating "attention" of having photos taken of your injuries. Sounds delightful, doesn't it:?
I have a lot of respect for the women who take a rapist off the street by going to the ER IMMEDIATELY and reporting it. Waiting for even just days runs the risk of prosecuting someone with no evidence and I'm not real fond of the idea of prosecuting someone on words alone. A persuasive enough person can call together a horde of "witnesses" who will say whatever they want them to. Without some sort of evidence, I can't say it's right to lock someone up. We have legal process for a reason and that is why it's important for a woman to be brave and keep it from happening to another. I've got friends on both sides of this fence, either raped/molested and gone without justice or falsely accused. So I kind of have a rather unique perspective. I AM one of those who were molested and never got justice. The bastard died peacefully in his sleep so I didn't even get the vengeance of him suffering in death. Kind of lame, really. But would I have tried to take him into court with nothing but my own words? No. Especially not when I was the only one at the time who willingly spoke of it. No. I would have recognized the futility of that option and just kept up our little war of occasionally bitch slapping each other to acknowledge he was, indeed, still a scum sucking piece of shit and I was not, with no exceptions, going to ever allow him to molest me or my nieces again.
I know I sure as hell didn't "want attention" when I was 12 and trying to suss out with my siblings what the hell all of the crap I suddenly had crashing down on me was about. I mean, when you fall to your knees because you all of a sudden have back all those blank spots in your childhood memories and they are horrifying, the very last thing going through your head is "Oh, boy! Everyone is going to be paying attention to me!" In fact, that NEVER went through my head at all. What when through my head was "Why did my brothers keep running off and leaving me there by myself with him?" "How much did he do to the other girls before I caught him at it and stopped him?" "Could I have stopped him sooner if I'd been more brave and told Mom?" So many other painful and confusing thoughts hit me. Having people pay attention to me abecause my sperm donor was an evil, abusive piece of shit was definitely NOT something I wanted.
I definitely didn't want the feeling of needing to protect everyone for the rest of my life, either. Do you have any clue how fucking exhausting it is to always be on guard, trying to keep the "bad people" from hurting the innocents of the world? I have to stop, examine and make a call any time I see anything remotely messed up. Do I get involved or am I just being paranoid because of my life experience? What if I blow and off and it turns out I was right, but I did nothing? What if that mother goes home and drowns that kid or beats it to death? It makes me responsible for that, doesn't it? Intellectually, I know it doesn't. Sure. But tell my psyche that. It's something I have to deal with every day.
In my experience, I've seen what I call Defender types and Victim types, an odd sort that's a blend of those and the Outright Denier among abuse survivors.
Defenders usually spawn from abuse survivors who started to fight against their abuser while still stuck with them. They're the older siblings who stand between their abuser and the little kids. They are the ones who fight every inch of the way, giving the abuser nothing freely and causing as much damage as possible in the process. What fuels them is not really quantifyable as anything other than sheer will. Defender types have that "protector" mentality like I do. Often they're tough and armored outside and a mess inside like me, too. They can be a dangerous foe in combat because they will do whatever it takes to stop harm from coming to an innocent, even if it means they die instead. It's hard wired and as difficult to control as a wolf's prey and territory drives. It's how we raise ourselves up from what happened to us. We pull ourselves out of our suffering by saving others from similar fates. It's the only way we see to make what happened to us MEAN something other than nasty evil stuff. We OWN it, USE it to give others protection and strength that maybe we didn't have when we were abused. It's how we manage to keep on keeping on. This type, if they finally get free of their abuser generally NEVER allow anyone to do that to them again. People who try find themselves kicked to the curb like my ex husband and one of my ex boyfriends. My philosophy is "I didn't put up with that shit from my daddy and I sure as fuck won't put up with it from any other man."
The Victim type is one I have a LOT of trouble understanding. They're like a loyal to a fault puppy who will keep crawling back to lick the very boots that kicked them. Sometimes it's not because they're just that submissive. Sometimes it's because their own psyche deludes them into forgetting they were kicked in the first place. Or, perhaps, it deludes them into thinking the abuse is how love is expressed. Even if they manage to get away from the one who initially abuses them, they tend to end up right back into circumstances which allow another predator to put them right back into the abuse cycle. Sometimes it's a conscious thing because they're seeking love. Sometimes they don't even realize what they're doing because they don't remember. Often the Victim type believes so strongly all the lies they were told by their abusers that they feel they aren't worthy of being treated decently. They feel they deserve not only what theyir abuser did to them, but also whatever anyone else may choose to heap upon them. I used to help get women out of abusive homes and into safe houses where they could get help . SO many I talked to had been raped or beaten by their own parents and, when they became adults, their brains said "pain equals love". So they ended up with men who emotionally and physcially battered them. Sadly, they were often the ones who went back eventually, believing all the bullshit "Baby I Promise" lies told to them by their abusers. Things would be all peachy keen for a week or a month and then there would be another call for help. Sometimes they died before they could call for help again. It was both crushingly sad and maddening at the same moment when that would happen. I often wondered, "Why did she go back? She was SAFE! She was overcoming all the bullshit! Why the fuck did she jump back into the manure pile after all the counseling she's had??" I've never found any satisfactory answers to those questions. I have asked before. Most of them said they went because they were afraid... afraid he'd hunt them and/or their children down and kill them as he always threatened.
The blended type of survivor often doesn't even recognize themselves as a survivor. They'll step in if they see imminent danger to an innocent, but only to a point. If the situation is too scary, they may say something, but back away if threatened. They may draw a line where they would NEVER stay with someone who hits them. Yet, if someone is only verbally or emotionally abusive, they may not even recognize that it IS abuse. The few I've met who are like this kind of function in their own little plane of existence which only lightly touches ours. They try their damnedest to make our horrid world match their sunshiny plane and then seem puzzled when it can't be made to mesh nicely. They're not exactly oblivious to the abuse they suffered, but they don't really acknowledge it, either. It's as if it's kind walled off like my memories were as a kid. They just make it to adulthood with the walls still up. They kind of peek over the wall occasionally and go, "Hmmmm. What's this? Oh, well, time to make cake." Then, sometimes out of the blue, they'll look you dead in the eye and say something like "All those dreams I've had about my brother... they weren't dreams, were they?" All you can do is pat their hand and say, "No, honey, they weren't." All you can do is hope that some day they'll really understand the scope of what they've been through.
Outright Denial is, unfortunately, one of the most knee-jerk defensive mechanisms human beings have and, possibly, the most destructive as well. The Outright Denier has told themself so often that nothing like that could POSSSIBLY have happened to them that the memories are locked in a box, covered in concrete and sunk to the very darkest depths of their own psyches. A Denier doesn't get that some of the issues they have as an adult are spawning from their abuse earlier in life. They do things like take drug or become alcoholics in an effort to feel better. But these are not solutions. These things becomes crutches that prop them up and then hooks that pull them down. They'll rage about their bad luck and take that rage out on others, not even realizing they are perpetuating what they grew up with. They have such blinders on that they often don't even recognize that the wall in their psyche exists. They don't realize that there are huge chunks of childhood where there simply is nothing. They're like my brothers who have quite angrily denied what their own father did to them right in front of me. They angrily espouse the virtues of the one who beat them bloody in front of their little sister. The Denier often raises their abuser up on a pedestal as if to worship them as some sainted hero, turning them into the very opposite of what they really were. Of all survivors, this type is the least likely to succeed in finding a happy life. Because they haven't dealt with what is causing all of the negative emotions in them, they never overcome the issues these emotions generate. They can't find the strength to say "Well, I'll show them." because they don't realize they NEED to. I guess for some people the betrayal of having someone who is supposed to love you and protect you do horrific things to them is just too much for their mind to process. So it gets shoved down never to be acknowledged again. Or maybe it crashes in eventually and they can no longer deny.
I get that, having had my own very painful WTF moment. But, in the case of my siblings, it just angers me that they refuse to stop trying to make ME the villain. I've met so many people whose families have just ripped them to pieces because an Outright Denier shouts "How dare you foul the name of our good and sainted, blahblahblah.?!" Then it becomes a rallying cry and the next thing you know, the person who spoke the truth is on the defensive and running for cover from the entire family. Only sometimes that person is someone like me who says, "You know what? Fuck you people! In fact, UNfuck you! Why should you have any fun? You have no clue because YOU didn't live with them!" Sometimes we survivors who are very aware of what was done to us don't run. Sometimes, not only do we not run, we may just charge you and punch you in the face for being an ass. Sometimes we just sit back and go, "I pity you the day your wall comes down. You go on and git. I don't want you in my life anymore." Regardless of how exactly it plays out, we know that it's necessary if we ever want to glue all the pieces we have left back into place.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Just Some Things
Since some people in my blood relations seem to be drinking their own Kool-Aid and have repeated certain lies so often that they have become their twisted version of truth, I'd like to point out some problems in your stories. I doubt it's going to change your perception that you are wonderful people who are the victims in all things. But at least I can say you were informed since I know little pitchers have big ears.
First: It's rather difficult for things to occur as laid out in your lies when you state events happened at a time when YOU DID NOT HAVE the vehicle the alleged events happened in. Oh, you thought no one noticed that? Wrong. I did. My mother and I were threatened with jail time when we tried to request an inquiry into that little bit of sunshine.
Second: When you are conspiring to tell lies on someone, perhaps you shouldn't do it when other people are around. Didn't think I knew about an arrangement with a certain cousin to say HER kid was messed with, too, when it was a lie, did you? Wrong again. Have another drink of Kool-Aid.
Third: When you have a known history of lying to my face when I know the truth, you can hardly expect I'm going to believe ANY of the verbal diarrhea that spews from your face. I seem to recall a certain pear shaped girl being in my room running up my mother's phone bill while the children she was supposed to be taking care of destroyed about $1000 worth of collectibles. This when they had been allowed to come into our house only with MY nod of approval when my mother asked about it so that their CHILDREN would not be sleeping in a car in winter. She then tried to deny it when confronted with the shattered bits of collectibles she tried to hide under the bed and a phone bill showing she was making calls from a phone which she had been told NOT TO TOUCH and which was in MY ROOM on the call dates. Yeah, your credibility is about zero in my book, liar.
Fourth: Let me give you a little enlightenment about child molesters so you can understand why your story gets shakier every time you tell it. When a molester targets little girls, there is only a 21% chance that same molester will target little boys. So, you say my nephew molested a bunch of little girls and then just because you're too stupid to know better, sure why not let's make him look REALLY sick in court and toss in a couple of little boys, too. Yeah, he admitted something DID happen with his sister. I know why, too. It happened because they were trying to mimic the PORN you losers left where your kids could get it. Oh, did I mention I know the kids had been left in the house ALONE that day? Sorry, you idiots, but a kid doesn't lie about something that humiliating to their GRANDMOTHER when she asks what has been going on and says she wants the full truth. Oh, and a guilty boy would not have called me in tears and said, "Aunt Jolie, they're saying the only way I'll ever get out is to say I did all those things. But I didn't! What should I do?" Yeah, indicators toward a bunch of immature, vindictive liars targetting a little boy? They're in there.
Fifth: The youngest children involved in this whole mess have been groomed and prepped and told the lies to say so much that they believe them now. Yeah, I heard about that, too. Again, you're too stupid to be cautious about where and when you plot and who you threaten.Things get around.
Sixth: You people have made an art of using little children to carry out personal vendettas. My brother's wife should be ashamed of herself that she is so jealous that my moronic sibling screwed someone else before her royal hiney that she has to take it out on the kids from the previous wife. Yeah, that's mature. Oh, wait, she wasn't exactly grown when my ADULT brother started boffing her. So perhaps expecting maturity out of a psychotically jealous, lying KID was too much to expect? I'm telling you right now, you people need to start acting like grown ups and leave my nephew and his sister ALONE. They are not in your lives or your homes any more, so you need to just shut the fuck up and leave them be. Yes, I've heard all about you verbally and emotionally battering the sister when she speaks up for her sibling. Don't you all feel so proud bashing on a young woman trying to cope with having a disabled son? Why don't you all do what you do best and just go get drunk and fall down all over each other and call it lurve?
Seventh: Do not EVER think for a minute that just because you can squirt out more little mini mes like a good little Catholic that any of you are in any way better than me. Do not EVER delude yourselves into thinking you are the ones who pulled away from me.Let me tell you something, I only went to family functions because it made MOM happy. Being forced to be around you drunken asses who couldn't make it through a holiday without a fucking fight was a nightmare. Don't make ME the villain when YOU people are the ones who are still pickling yourselves in alcohol at every available opportunity. YOU are the ones who still do drugs and act like no one knows it.
I'm clean. I pulled away from you people because it was necessary to save myself. Given the choice of save myself or hang around with you poisonous people, guess what I chose? In order to recover from addiction issues, you have to cut the people who refuse to get help out of your life. Guess what? That means you had to go. You know what else? I have been SO much happier without all of your bullshit drama going on around me all the time. Know what else? I'm willing to give up that peace if it means you fuckers have to wake up and face reality. I am sick to fucking death of you pointing fingers at me and at little kids who never did anything but be born and ask to be loved. My brother may have thrown away the boy HE chose to claim as his son. I have not. Michael is MY NEPHEW and if you don't like that idea, it's just tough shit. As far as I'm concerned your opinions matter less than a little bird poop on a windshield because, at the end of the day, you're still a bunch of drunk assholes and I'm still a recovered addict/alcoholic.
Eighth: If you don't want to hear the truth, then you are more than welcome to not read what I have to say. You can't make me stop. It's not slander if it's true. In order for it to be "defamation of character" people have to give a shit who you are and you have to have a GOOD reputation beforehand. None of you do. Your names are readily available online thanks to you having made sure you spread around all the articles about Michael being once again incarcerated without just cause to every body you could think of. Oh, you thought suddenly hiding all your little "yay us" posts meant I wouldn't find out? Yeah, online is a funny place. There are little crumb trails everywhere. Oh, just so you know, since YOUR names aren't on here, you can't say I'm slandering you anyway. I have the right to speak about my life publicly if I want to. If people can dig your names up easy as pie on an ancestry or public records search, well, that's not my fault, is it? *smile* See, I'm tired of cowering and hiding from the past. This shit has only continued to be the bane of our society because people like you continue to deny, twist things and take out your vengeful wrath for what's been done to you on the wrong people rather than dealing with your real issues. You plug your ears and yell rather than listening to the truth. Well, you can still choose to do that by closing your browser window. You're as free to do that as I am to write it.
I'd just like to say in closing that I really do pity the whole lot of you if you truly believe all the stuff your Christian faith espouses. Because come judgment day, ya'll are screwed and not in the fun way. I understand it that God supposedly has some mercy for people who acknowldege and repent for their downfalls. You people... hell you're so full of denial that you believe your own bullshit. And that means you're not getting the pass when the time comes. Poor itty babies.... Am I perfect? Nope. But I never claimed to be, either.
First: It's rather difficult for things to occur as laid out in your lies when you state events happened at a time when YOU DID NOT HAVE the vehicle the alleged events happened in. Oh, you thought no one noticed that? Wrong. I did. My mother and I were threatened with jail time when we tried to request an inquiry into that little bit of sunshine.
Second: When you are conspiring to tell lies on someone, perhaps you shouldn't do it when other people are around. Didn't think I knew about an arrangement with a certain cousin to say HER kid was messed with, too, when it was a lie, did you? Wrong again. Have another drink of Kool-Aid.
Third: When you have a known history of lying to my face when I know the truth, you can hardly expect I'm going to believe ANY of the verbal diarrhea that spews from your face. I seem to recall a certain pear shaped girl being in my room running up my mother's phone bill while the children she was supposed to be taking care of destroyed about $1000 worth of collectibles. This when they had been allowed to come into our house only with MY nod of approval when my mother asked about it so that their CHILDREN would not be sleeping in a car in winter. She then tried to deny it when confronted with the shattered bits of collectibles she tried to hide under the bed and a phone bill showing she was making calls from a phone which she had been told NOT TO TOUCH and which was in MY ROOM on the call dates. Yeah, your credibility is about zero in my book, liar.
Fourth: Let me give you a little enlightenment about child molesters so you can understand why your story gets shakier every time you tell it. When a molester targets little girls, there is only a 21% chance that same molester will target little boys. So, you say my nephew molested a bunch of little girls and then just because you're too stupid to know better, sure why not let's make him look REALLY sick in court and toss in a couple of little boys, too. Yeah, he admitted something DID happen with his sister. I know why, too. It happened because they were trying to mimic the PORN you losers left where your kids could get it. Oh, did I mention I know the kids had been left in the house ALONE that day? Sorry, you idiots, but a kid doesn't lie about something that humiliating to their GRANDMOTHER when she asks what has been going on and says she wants the full truth. Oh, and a guilty boy would not have called me in tears and said, "Aunt Jolie, they're saying the only way I'll ever get out is to say I did all those things. But I didn't! What should I do?" Yeah, indicators toward a bunch of immature, vindictive liars targetting a little boy? They're in there.
Fifth: The youngest children involved in this whole mess have been groomed and prepped and told the lies to say so much that they believe them now. Yeah, I heard about that, too. Again, you're too stupid to be cautious about where and when you plot and who you threaten.Things get around.
Sixth: You people have made an art of using little children to carry out personal vendettas. My brother's wife should be ashamed of herself that she is so jealous that my moronic sibling screwed someone else before her royal hiney that she has to take it out on the kids from the previous wife. Yeah, that's mature. Oh, wait, she wasn't exactly grown when my ADULT brother started boffing her. So perhaps expecting maturity out of a psychotically jealous, lying KID was too much to expect? I'm telling you right now, you people need to start acting like grown ups and leave my nephew and his sister ALONE. They are not in your lives or your homes any more, so you need to just shut the fuck up and leave them be. Yes, I've heard all about you verbally and emotionally battering the sister when she speaks up for her sibling. Don't you all feel so proud bashing on a young woman trying to cope with having a disabled son? Why don't you all do what you do best and just go get drunk and fall down all over each other and call it lurve?
Seventh: Do not EVER think for a minute that just because you can squirt out more little mini mes like a good little Catholic that any of you are in any way better than me. Do not EVER delude yourselves into thinking you are the ones who pulled away from me.Let me tell you something, I only went to family functions because it made MOM happy. Being forced to be around you drunken asses who couldn't make it through a holiday without a fucking fight was a nightmare. Don't make ME the villain when YOU people are the ones who are still pickling yourselves in alcohol at every available opportunity. YOU are the ones who still do drugs and act like no one knows it.
I'm clean. I pulled away from you people because it was necessary to save myself. Given the choice of save myself or hang around with you poisonous people, guess what I chose? In order to recover from addiction issues, you have to cut the people who refuse to get help out of your life. Guess what? That means you had to go. You know what else? I have been SO much happier without all of your bullshit drama going on around me all the time. Know what else? I'm willing to give up that peace if it means you fuckers have to wake up and face reality. I am sick to fucking death of you pointing fingers at me and at little kids who never did anything but be born and ask to be loved. My brother may have thrown away the boy HE chose to claim as his son. I have not. Michael is MY NEPHEW and if you don't like that idea, it's just tough shit. As far as I'm concerned your opinions matter less than a little bird poop on a windshield because, at the end of the day, you're still a bunch of drunk assholes and I'm still a recovered addict/alcoholic.
Eighth: If you don't want to hear the truth, then you are more than welcome to not read what I have to say. You can't make me stop. It's not slander if it's true. In order for it to be "defamation of character" people have to give a shit who you are and you have to have a GOOD reputation beforehand. None of you do. Your names are readily available online thanks to you having made sure you spread around all the articles about Michael being once again incarcerated without just cause to every body you could think of. Oh, you thought suddenly hiding all your little "yay us" posts meant I wouldn't find out? Yeah, online is a funny place. There are little crumb trails everywhere. Oh, just so you know, since YOUR names aren't on here, you can't say I'm slandering you anyway. I have the right to speak about my life publicly if I want to. If people can dig your names up easy as pie on an ancestry or public records search, well, that's not my fault, is it? *smile* See, I'm tired of cowering and hiding from the past. This shit has only continued to be the bane of our society because people like you continue to deny, twist things and take out your vengeful wrath for what's been done to you on the wrong people rather than dealing with your real issues. You plug your ears and yell rather than listening to the truth. Well, you can still choose to do that by closing your browser window. You're as free to do that as I am to write it.
I'd just like to say in closing that I really do pity the whole lot of you if you truly believe all the stuff your Christian faith espouses. Because come judgment day, ya'll are screwed and not in the fun way. I understand it that God supposedly has some mercy for people who acknowldege and repent for their downfalls. You people... hell you're so full of denial that you believe your own bullshit. And that means you're not getting the pass when the time comes. Poor itty babies.... Am I perfect? Nope. But I never claimed to be, either.
To My Niece
Since, as you do on FaceBook and taking after the chichenshit ways of your parents, you prefer to scream and yell in caps where the people you are yelling at can't reply, you get this, kid.
First of all Michael IS my nephew. Regardless of blood, my brother claimed him as his son on his birth certificate. That makes him MY nephew. Your father then threw him away like trash, so don't try to sound all high and mighty about your father. I RAISED that kid with your Memaw more than your mother and father EVER did. Second, how do I know Michael didn't do the things he was accused of as a kid? Because, unlike you, I was an ADULT at the time and privy to several pieces of information which were presented to the court by your lying mother and her scummy cousin which were LIES. Who am I supposed to believe, little girl? The child raised by a vindictive and manipulative mother who thought it was perfectly okay to beat on little children just because she didn't squeeze them out of her fat little body? Do you know Michael and his sister CONSTANTLY showed up at my house with welts and bruises on them telling me that your mother had been beating on them? And who else would it have been since they hadn't been with their mother and the bruises were fresh? Do you know that your mother constantly sent you kids to her family KNOWING that members of her own family had molested her? Or has she just conveniently neglected to tell you these things so she can further warp your perception of things? Do you know those molesters in her family have STILL not been punished for the things they did to her AND to Michael's sister? The courts used FALSE ACCUSATIONS from when he was a child to prosecute Michael as an adult. Just FYI, little girl, that's illegal. You want to know why the bitch he was married to accused him of this shit EIGHT YEARS after the fact? Oh, it could be because he was making something of himself without her and was planning to get the kids away from her ASAP because she's unfit. Yeah, I've talked to MY nephew, kid. He's been put in jail with NO EVIDENCE and with your mom telling his ex exactly what to say because she's done it to him once already. How convenient.
I am well aware of what occurred with Michael and his sister when they were kids. In fact Memaw and I spoke with them both about it at the time fairly extensively. You want to know why that happened? It happened because your moronic father left pornography where kids could get to it. They were experimenting with what they saw on one of his filthy videos while you kids had been left in the house ALONE. Don't try to convince me how wonderful your parents are. You didn't have to grow up with my brother. You didn't have to put one of your nephews out of a SECOND STORY window to save him from being beaten to a pulp by his apparently coked up uncle. Do you know I had to protect your Memaw from your scum-sucking daddy? He would drink and snort all of his paychecks and then want to come over to Memaw's to take HER money for the things you kids needed. I was having to spend MY paychecks paying Memaws bills for her because she was so in debt from giving your moronic parents money. Oh, you probably don't remember that because you were the mewling baby in diapers he was using to guilt her into giving him money. You probably only remember the fairy farts and sunshine your mommy has been blowing up your ass since you were old enough to understand words.
So, yeah, I'm the bad evil person in the family since I'm the only one who has recovered from alcoholism and drug addiction. It's not YOU people who have nothing to do with ME. It's quite the opposite. When I got clean I had to cut out ALL people who still participated in my addictions OUT of my life. Unfortunately, that meant I also couldn't really spend time with the kids I cared about because it meant dealing with the parents. Once your Memaw died, I didn't have to go to family functions to make her happy anymore, so I was able to finally make the cut that allowed me to recover from being a pre-teen to adult alcoholic and druggie. So, don't come on here trying to tell me what a horrible person I am, little girl. I've had enough contact with different parts of the family over the last several years to know that almost all of them still drink to avoid reality and that some of them still do drugs and lie through their teeth about it. Yeah, such good Christian households! It's no wonder I fled and became Pagan. *smirk*
So, little girl, how dare YOU come onto my blog telling me I'm crazy when you don't even know the real truth about what your parents come from. You don't believe what's written on this blog? Go ask some of your older female cousins about what my father did to them. Go ask my half sister what he did to her. I'm not crazy. I woke up and got access to the memories my own mind shielded me from because a 5-year-old little girl usually isn't well equipped to deal with the fact her dad is a pedophile. You, unfortunately, grew up sucking down the bile your mother has always had for kids she didn't give birth to and learning how to be just like her. What I know of her from having been under the same roof with her and having to deal with the fallout of her actions is this: She is a liar. She will do wrong and outright LIE about it even when you hold the evidence up in front of her face. She uses people to the point of bankrupting them for her own gain. She is only happy when everyone around her is as miserable as she is inside. She thinks it's perfectly okay to beat on a kid half her size with a broom handle if it's a stepchild. She's a vindictive and immature little worm who will do anything to "get back at" people she doesn't like, even things like denying a grandmother visitation with her grandchildren when she refuses to give her money. So, forgive me if I can't exactly stand behind someone who, for all intents and purposes, has turned out to be just like her and is still manipulated by her. I've still got parts of my childhood I can't remember because of the shit I grew up with in this family. I can only assume that those times were worse by far than what I CAN remember. Isn't it convenient that you can remember every tiny detail because they were fed to you since you were little to the point you have come to believe the bullshit you were fed.
First of all Michael IS my nephew. Regardless of blood, my brother claimed him as his son on his birth certificate. That makes him MY nephew. Your father then threw him away like trash, so don't try to sound all high and mighty about your father. I RAISED that kid with your Memaw more than your mother and father EVER did. Second, how do I know Michael didn't do the things he was accused of as a kid? Because, unlike you, I was an ADULT at the time and privy to several pieces of information which were presented to the court by your lying mother and her scummy cousin which were LIES. Who am I supposed to believe, little girl? The child raised by a vindictive and manipulative mother who thought it was perfectly okay to beat on little children just because she didn't squeeze them out of her fat little body? Do you know Michael and his sister CONSTANTLY showed up at my house with welts and bruises on them telling me that your mother had been beating on them? And who else would it have been since they hadn't been with their mother and the bruises were fresh? Do you know that your mother constantly sent you kids to her family KNOWING that members of her own family had molested her? Or has she just conveniently neglected to tell you these things so she can further warp your perception of things? Do you know those molesters in her family have STILL not been punished for the things they did to her AND to Michael's sister? The courts used FALSE ACCUSATIONS from when he was a child to prosecute Michael as an adult. Just FYI, little girl, that's illegal. You want to know why the bitch he was married to accused him of this shit EIGHT YEARS after the fact? Oh, it could be because he was making something of himself without her and was planning to get the kids away from her ASAP because she's unfit. Yeah, I've talked to MY nephew, kid. He's been put in jail with NO EVIDENCE and with your mom telling his ex exactly what to say because she's done it to him once already. How convenient.
I am well aware of what occurred with Michael and his sister when they were kids. In fact Memaw and I spoke with them both about it at the time fairly extensively. You want to know why that happened? It happened because your moronic father left pornography where kids could get to it. They were experimenting with what they saw on one of his filthy videos while you kids had been left in the house ALONE. Don't try to convince me how wonderful your parents are. You didn't have to grow up with my brother. You didn't have to put one of your nephews out of a SECOND STORY window to save him from being beaten to a pulp by his apparently coked up uncle. Do you know I had to protect your Memaw from your scum-sucking daddy? He would drink and snort all of his paychecks and then want to come over to Memaw's to take HER money for the things you kids needed. I was having to spend MY paychecks paying Memaws bills for her because she was so in debt from giving your moronic parents money. Oh, you probably don't remember that because you were the mewling baby in diapers he was using to guilt her into giving him money. You probably only remember the fairy farts and sunshine your mommy has been blowing up your ass since you were old enough to understand words.
So, yeah, I'm the bad evil person in the family since I'm the only one who has recovered from alcoholism and drug addiction. It's not YOU people who have nothing to do with ME. It's quite the opposite. When I got clean I had to cut out ALL people who still participated in my addictions OUT of my life. Unfortunately, that meant I also couldn't really spend time with the kids I cared about because it meant dealing with the parents. Once your Memaw died, I didn't have to go to family functions to make her happy anymore, so I was able to finally make the cut that allowed me to recover from being a pre-teen to adult alcoholic and druggie. So, don't come on here trying to tell me what a horrible person I am, little girl. I've had enough contact with different parts of the family over the last several years to know that almost all of them still drink to avoid reality and that some of them still do drugs and lie through their teeth about it. Yeah, such good Christian households! It's no wonder I fled and became Pagan. *smirk*
So, little girl, how dare YOU come onto my blog telling me I'm crazy when you don't even know the real truth about what your parents come from. You don't believe what's written on this blog? Go ask some of your older female cousins about what my father did to them. Go ask my half sister what he did to her. I'm not crazy. I woke up and got access to the memories my own mind shielded me from because a 5-year-old little girl usually isn't well equipped to deal with the fact her dad is a pedophile. You, unfortunately, grew up sucking down the bile your mother has always had for kids she didn't give birth to and learning how to be just like her. What I know of her from having been under the same roof with her and having to deal with the fallout of her actions is this: She is a liar. She will do wrong and outright LIE about it even when you hold the evidence up in front of her face. She uses people to the point of bankrupting them for her own gain. She is only happy when everyone around her is as miserable as she is inside. She thinks it's perfectly okay to beat on a kid half her size with a broom handle if it's a stepchild. She's a vindictive and immature little worm who will do anything to "get back at" people she doesn't like, even things like denying a grandmother visitation with her grandchildren when she refuses to give her money. So, forgive me if I can't exactly stand behind someone who, for all intents and purposes, has turned out to be just like her and is still manipulated by her. I've still got parts of my childhood I can't remember because of the shit I grew up with in this family. I can only assume that those times were worse by far than what I CAN remember. Isn't it convenient that you can remember every tiny detail because they were fed to you since you were little to the point you have come to believe the bullshit you were fed.
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